March 14th - Farewell to thee Dear China

I am sad to say that this will be my last blog entry from Chinese soil. I might do a final “wrap-up” edition or something when I get home, but I'm not sure yet. I'll still have the amazing journey home to write about, but I don't know. I don't really want to spoil it, y'know? But then again, I did start this blog before I left Canada, so I might as well finish it there too. Ok, enough pandering, time to recap!

I've been in China for nearly 7 weeks now, and I've experienced all sorts of new things that I've never seen before. The food, the people and their strange, sometimes backwards customs, the pollution, crazy drivers, and of course, a new language. I am disappointed with myself for not making more of an effort to learn the language in the years leading up to this trip. I knew, marrying a Chinese girl, that this day would come, but I guess I'm still trying to learn to use English to its full potential, and a totally new language might throw my writing off-kilter. Yeah, that's a pretty good excuse. I'll use that one.

I never really thought about how differently people think and act in different countries around the world. In Canada, you can pretty much think and do anything you want as long as you don’t hurt anyone or break any laws. Even then, there is a lot of leeway on freedoms, and rules can indeed be bent. Not so over here in China. Sure, nobody really follows traffic laws, and I'm pretty sure the majority of people cheat on their taxes over here, but in the privacy of the family home, there are more rules, customs and pressures than we could ever handle in Canada. To start with, most families are very patriarchal, with the father or mother calling all the shots, and I guess dictating what other people should do without ever facing any backlash. Sure, I respect my elders and war veterans and the like, but we have sort of an understanding that times have changed, and what they know might not necessarily be right for today's youth. In China, you can't say that to a parent. Mommy or Daddy knows best, and that's just the way it is.

Gift-giving is very strange in China. Most people won't accept gifts, and will physically harm you if you try to pick up the bill at a restaurant. I think it could be one of two things; Either everyone is too proud to accept gifts because it might show that they are needy; or maybe, gifts are two often given under false pretenses over here. That is, the only reason some people will give a gift, is that they can now expect something in return. I actually felt this first hand. On my arrival, I asked a family member where I could exchange some Canadian dollars for Chinese Yuan. I've heard about currency control over here, and that you can't just walk into a store and purchase something in Canadian, or even US dollars. You have to go through a few channels to get money exchanged, and it often takes a while. I could have done it at the airport back in Vancouver, but I was in too much of a rush to even think about it. Anyway, the family member scoffed at my request, and said something like “You're our guest. Anything you want, just ask and we'll buy it for you.” That sounded a bit too good to be true, and was indeed said under false pretenses.

My wife was heading out to the mall one day and asked me if I needed anything. I asked if she could get me a pair of shorts to take back to Canada – it will be too hot to run in my jogging pants when the temperature warms up a bit. She said fine, but when she returned, there was a huge argument between her and the family member who originally made the offer. It was believed that I had demanded the shorts, and not offered to pay for them. Hey, if money is an issue, I have a whole pile of Canadian bills sitting here that nobody wants me to exchange. That bird has flown the coop. If you didn't want to buy me anything, why ask me? People have bought me things, but only when they were chosen by someone else and given to me because they figured I could use it. A scarf for example, was given to me by a family member. I’ll never use that scarf again back in Vancouver, but during the whole shorts argument, the value of said scarf was brought up, and how I've already received so much, how could I be so greedy to ask for something I want? Heck, I thought that was the deal in exchange for not exchanging any money? Maybe I misunderstood. I guess I received under false pretenses.

To combine the patriarchal and gift-giving scenarios, there is a Chinese custom that parents should always put their children through college. This would be fine if the kid got to decide what to study, where, and what sort of certificate they wanted i.e how far to go. My wife for instance, was sent to Canada with the understanding that she would receive a Doctor's degree and one day return to China to help better the country. Her path was already chosen for her. But once she got out of the country and discovered that Canadian students can choose their own major, decide when they’ve had enough or even drop out, then I think the 2 cultures clashed. Still to this day, she receives pressure from her family to keep going to school. She already has a Bachelor's Degree, which is more than I can say for myself, but apparently that is not enough.

I used to think that if somebody wanted to pay for my education, than I'd be all for it. Actually, money is the only thing that's preventing me from going back to school at this time. (Let's just say I want to get one student loan paid off before I sign up for another one.) But with the added pressure, I don't think I'd want to accept the money. There we go with the giving under false pretenses scenario again. I get the sense that there is no such thing as “no strings attached” over here. My mother-m-law actually offered to lend me the money to go back to school, but I decided to politely decline. There's no telling what type of trash talk would go on if I took that money. And what would the repayment schedule be like? “As long as you owe me this money, I own you?” I'd rather pass on the offer thanks. It's very nice that you'd offer it and bring up the Chinese culture and what not, but my own personal culture, no matter what country I'm from, says that I live and die for one thing – myself. Not in the selfish sense, like I don't think of anyone else's feelings. I'm just not going to do something because someone else thinks it would be good for me. If I want to go back to school badly enough, I'll find a way to pay for it, and then nobody can take credit in my success. I could probably write a whole book on that subject, but I won't. Let's just leave it at this: I live by DIY ethics and I'll probably starve to death by them, but there's nothing anybody can do to change that about me.

Now that I've covered the family politics to some degree, I think I should brush on actual politics. We live in a democratic society (or at least we think we do) where the people control the government. If we don't like something or if something smells fishy, the people of Canada will mostly step up and voice their opinions. You see this with MAWO (Mobilization Against War and Occupation) and other such organizations stepping up to protest Canada's potential involvement in the travesty that is the war in Iraq. If leaders in our community step up, politicians are forced to listen, or get out and bring in someone new who will listen to the people who elected him or her. Sure there are flaws, every system has flaws, but let's look back at that bolded statement I made back there. Here in China, the opposite can be said. The government controls the people. Actually, most Chinese people criticize the West for giving too much control to common citizens. Afterall, how would they know how to run a country? They just live there and pay the taxes that buy their so-called representatives a cushy salary and all the perks you could imagine and then some. It’s that way of thinking that leads to a very unhappy populace and eventually they are gonna revolt – unless of course you put the fear into ‘em.

Religion is not very popular here in China, at lease not practicing it. There are still rituals taking place on every street corner though, which I think are more of a tool to control people from rising up and speaking their mind. The Taoist religion, as well as Buddhism are still engrained in Chinese society, whether or not people are going to a temple and praying. Every time someone dies in China, there are mourners who pay their respects in interesting, if not peculiar ways. For example, I see small bonfires on street corners all around Harbin, where locals burn fake money in a little pile. I'm sure they burn real money too, but I see little carts everywhere that sell funny money just to burn in memory of a loved one. Don't ask me how that got started, but I'm sure it helps the economy. “Burn what you earn! The paper bills are just about worthless anyway! The more you burn, the more you'll help to curb inflation!” I think the U.S. is trying to do the opposite now – they are printing money faster than Disney prints coloring books, but maybe they should burn a stack of greenbacks for every US soldier who has lost his or her life in pointless wars. Now that'll get the economy back on track. It's the fashionable thing to do over here in China, why not join in?

Speaking of fashion, there are some articles of clothing that have religious or cultural tie-ins. No, I'm not talking about Buddha t-shirts or monk's cloaks, but adornments that show a certain thing about you, without you having to say a word. I mentioned earlier about the ways of mourning the dead over here. Well, there is one other tradition that I found to be interesting. If you see someone with a black cloth pinned around their arm (much like Jewish POWs back in WWII) then it means a parent has recently died. Different arm means different parent, and it varies for boys or girls. This might be wrong, but I think it's “boy's left arm = father died” &“Girl's left arm = mother died”. Also, if there is a smaller, red cloth wrapped on top of the black one, it means a grandparent died. Same goes; different arm for each gender. I suppose if you see someone wearing this, you are supposed to move out of their way on the street or maybe not cut in front of them in line. I'm not sure the exact reason for displaying the colour black like that. Maybe it's just a respect for the dead thing, but it's pretty common to know somebody who has died if you live over here. Afterall, with such a huge population, somebody is bound to die every minute or so.

That brings me to the population. It's huge! In the northern city of Harbin, it's not quite as evident as some of the larger cities. It's still overblown here, but I think the colder climate and the more industry-heavy economy has driven, or at least kept the people who aren't as tough away. When I went to Beijing, I saw the other side of the coin. There's a city on the move, with a technology-based economy and an ever-growing, youth-oriented group of professionals taking over. In Canada, our nation is dominated by the Baby Boomers, or those approaching senior-citizenry, but in Beijing, I think it's going in the other direction. It seems like the youth movement is strong there, and retirement is probably better enjoyed some place quieter and slower-paced. I for one don't want to be dodging speeding traffic and being pushed and shoved on a subway platform when I'm 90. But then again, that's just me. Maybe Beijing will be the headquarters for a new youth movement where the old patriarchal ideals are obliterated. For the sake of the next generation, I sure hope so.

Such a huge population would undoubtedly cause more problems than just congested automobile and pedestrian traffic. I can tell that the health care system in China is pretty much inaccessible for the majority of people, unless they have money. I could tell that by the number or frost-bitten, toeless people wailing at the marketplace, and the general ignorance for one's personal well-being. Maybe it's considered selfish to go to the doctor's office for that little scrape. Heck, you can stitch that up yourself! Michael Moore should come over here and do “Sicko Vol 2”. He might be shocked at what he sees. I did hear something interesting though. If you give blood in China, a monetary credit can be put towards your next medical bills. Most people will just take the cash, but if you are really responsible, you can realize the full potential of that intravenous insurance policy flowing through your veins. As Canada, BC in particular, flirts with the idea of “pay-for-priority” and private medical clinics, maybe this blood idea would come in handy. I gotta say, China is one step up in that regard. I once asked a nurse at Canadian Blood Services why I don't get paid my blood, and she told me that if money was offered, the wrong type of donors would be attracted. A.k.a. people who really need the money. Then, if someone is turned away, they will be furious. Actually, the nurse said that they used to pay for blood back in the old days, but too many people were lying on that questionnaire they get you to fill out, and it ends up putting more of a strain on the medical system because they have to re-test the blood and destroy it if it turns out to be unsafe.

Let's talk about safety for a moment. Yesterday I say 2 men repairing some bricks on the side of a tall apartment building. There they were, hanging in the air on a backyard swing propelled from a rather frayed-looking rope, held by a young fellow up on the roof. No safety harness, no net to catch them in case they fell. You wouldn’t catch me up there, that's for sure. Actually, if I fell, nobody would catch me DOWN there either, and that's precisely why I wouldn't do it. Seatbelts are another topic of discussion. When my wife and I get into a taxi, we immediately buckle up. I don't know if it's a force of habit for her, but I do it for my personal safety and mental well-being. Drivers immediately know we are foreigners because “Nobody wears a seat belt around here.” Some taxis don't even offer seatbelts, and forget about bracing for impact. My wife got ragged on for putting her foot up against the glove box while we sped into oncoming traffic. She was honestly bracing for impact. But do you think the driver apologized for making his passengers feel uncomfortable? No, he insulted her for having no manners, and started saying that her parents must not have done a very good job of raising someone with no manners. What a joke! If you saw the way people drive over here, you'd fear for your life too!

Life in China must be difficult for a young person today. I'm edging up on 25 now, so I'm not exactly a child, but I still feel inadequate over here. The whole “respect your elders” credo has gotten a bit out of hand, to the point that you can't disagree with someone if they are older than you by a couple of weeks. Even calling someone older than you by their first name is rude. You are supposed to address him as “uncle” regardless of your family relations. Here we might have the most ignorant, chain-smoking alcoholic loser in the world, but I still have to glorify him by calling him “uncle”. No thanks.

I'm thankful for being brought along on this trip. Don't take my above observations as a sign of dislike for the Chinese people or anything like that. Quite the contrary! Besides, I don't want to get shot or “disappear” as so many people over here do. I've just noticed a few things that have made my trip a bit uncomfortable at times, but I'm glad I got to experience a new culture like this. If I never left my comfy Canadian lifestyle, I wouldn't ever be able to appreciate what an easy life we all have in the great white north. Sure, we may complain that there are too many people in the crowded parking lots, and how the movie theatre is always packed when we try to get a good seat, but believe me, it could be a lot worse. I think I might actually start appreciating what we have in Canada before it's gone. This trip has at least opened my eyes to that.

There are lots of positive aspects to my journey to China, and you can read all about them in my previous blog entries if you have the time. Today, I just wanted to clear a few things out of my mind and get them off my chest. I don't imagine I'm 100% right or accurate with what I have said here, but then again, nobody is 100% right 100% of the time, and that's the beauty of writing in this form. I can express my opinions any way I want and I am grateful for this opportunity. If you've actually taken the time to read this in its entirety, I just want to thank you for giving me your time. There are plenty of other things you could be doing right now, like getting out there and exploring another culture, or better yet, discovering your own. Whatever you do, make sure you write about it, or at least take pictures. Thanks for accompanying me on my little trip to big China. I hope you've enjoyed my visit as much as I have.