March 14th - The Name is Ling... Bo Ling

Last night we went out bowling with my wife's cousin and his girlfriend – a sort of double date if you will. I think you will. Anyway, we got in a taxi and headed to the Bowlarama, only when the taxi stopped, I didn’t see the bowling alley anywhere. “Are you sure this is the right place?” I asked my wife. She assured me it was, and led me through a set of revolving doors and into a hotel lobby. Okay, I thought, maybe we were meeting the cousin here and then going to the bowling alley. Now it all makes sense.

Actually, I learned something today - that you can always find a bowling alley where you least expect it. Up on the second floor of the hotel, there was a modest-sized bowling alley, complete with Hello Kitty bowling balls that you could rent for a modest price. I was tempted, but used a house ball instead. I still couldn't get over the location of this bowling alley! From the outside of the hotel, there was no bowling-pin shaped neon sign or anything! How was I supposed to know that inside, there were strikes and spares and seven-ten splits galore? But now that I was inside, I told the shoe rental clerk to “spare” me the pleasantries. I hate to “bowl” someone over, but I gotta “split”. I've got some pins to knock down!

At first, I was pretty rusty. It's been a while since I rolled a big heavy round object down a long, waxed surface towards 10 free-standing pillars painted white with little red stripes at the top. In fact, I can't think of any other situation that I could perform such an act, aside from maybe that carnival game where you try to knock over the lead milk bottles with a stuffed baseball. But then it's more of a throw, not so much a roll. After about 3 or 4 frames, I got back in the swing of things and I was really rollin'. With the first game in the books, I came out as winner, but only by about 4 pins. My wife was hot on my tail for the whole game, and my low score was more of a help to her than a sore in my saddle. I was having a great time.

To my left, there was a man bowling all by himself. He looked to be semi-competitive, because he wasn't wasting any time. He had 3 names up there on the screen, and it looked like he was always trying to beat the last score. Maybe he has some sort of multiple-bowler personality disorder. I watched him closely though, because he had incredible technique, and managed to hit about 3 strikes in a row. If this was soccer baseball, nobody would ever score a run, or goal or whatever they go by in that pseudo-sport. A Wicket, maybe? Heck I forget. They always let the kid in the wheelchair be pitcher in my gym class anyway. I mean, I understand that you want to make him feel happy and all, but I hated being on his team. He barely dove for any grounders, and he wasn't the greatest pitcher either. Yeah I know, I'm probably going to hell for writing this, but at least they'll have decent pitching down there. I'm pretty sure Roger Clemens will be headed down south after this whole steroid use/perjury nonsense.

Now back to the Bowling alley. After I picked up a few pointers from Hand Solo over there, I was rockin' AND rollin'. I hit 3 strikes in a row, followed by 2 spares! I was killin' it! On one of the spares though, there was a malfunction and the little arm that picks up the pins you left standing actually knocked them down instead. The barrier raised again to reveal an empty lane. “What do I do?” I asked. “Just chuck one” said my wife. So I let 'er rip as hard as I could and lo and behold, the computer said I knocked it down. This happened a couple more times, but usually only to me. That's a little wacky, and your serious bowler might get a little upset, but hey, this was working out in my favour! I just came to have a god time, and I actually bowled one of the best games of my life! I have to give some credit to the machine though. I had some help now and again from my pals over at Brunswick Bowling Equipment. The must have heard I was from New Brunswick, so you know, they want to cheer on the home team. Thanks guys!