We just completed our 10-hour journey from Harbin to Beijing via rail. No, it wasn't the actual company VIA Rail. I'm pretty sure that's only in Canada. Pity. We took the 2nd cheapest option, so I imagine it's one step up from the livestock cars. But brother, the smells don't lie. We were down on the farm.
The first little debacle we ran into was the fact that my wife and I weren't seated together. We bought our tickets at the last minute, and there wasn't much to choose from. She was in car #2 and I was in #18 aka the Foreigner Car. No, it's not a car that blasts 70's arena rock band Foreigner all night long, but believe me, I dropped a note in the suggestion box regarding said issue. I didn't have my mullet teased and zuma pants dry cleaned for nothing! After some wonderful haggling by my wife, I swapped tickets with someone, and we were together at last.
Now, to describe the passenger compartments or "sleepers" as they are called, you would have to picture a prision cell, or perhaps a jail on rails. I'm pretty sure most convicts try to squeeze in a rail whenever possible, but I was on 2 all night long, and brother, it was a bumpy ride. Each sleeper fits 4 prisioners, in bunkbeds on either side of the doorway. I felt like I was in that movie Sleep Away Camp, but I hope the ending would turn out a little differently. You know where "Sam" reveals to everyone that she is a Samuel and not a Samantha.
We had 2 other cellmates in our sleeper. A lady who was instantly asleep when we arrived, or at least pretending to be, and my new best friend, the ultimate travel companion. You, know, the kind of guy you just love to share a long journey with. Here was a guy with not one but two cellphones, one of which had a dead battery so it kept bleeping every 2 minutes, and the other had a guitar riff ring tone from Skid Row that was cranked up to eleven. But that my friends, was just the beginning...
When the lights went out, I discovered our bunkmate's true charm. I guess he is a snorer/sleep talker. Actually, he's more of a sleep crier. I swear to you, he was sobbing in his sleep. Now I really felt like I was in prision. I didn't sleep a wink for the entire trip, partly because it was stiflingly hot in our little sleeper sauna, and mostly because I was afraid that if I dozed off, "Tiny" over there would resort to prision rules and adopt me as his teddy bear to help curb the night sobbing. Who knows, maybe he had a bad experience at summer camp when he was oh, 37. But, you can't really hold a grudge against someone for things they do in their sleep. I wouldn't dream of it.
We finally arrived at Beijing Station and we ran into the nice fellow who swapped tickets with me. My wife told him about our adventures, and how I spent the night cowering in the corner of my bunk, gripping my pillow tight, not sleeping a wink. Actually, he said his night was pretty similar, and he didn't sleep a wink either. Meanwhile, our faithful bunkmate was having some trouble pulling his jumbo suitcase out from under the bottom bunk, but since he was the only one of us who got any sleep, I figured he could handle it himself.
Outside the train station, mayhem ensued. As my wife stood in line to buy tickets for our trip home, I stood by watching thousands of people pushing and shoving in a huge lineup, which I figured was for the soup kitchen, the way they hungrily shoved each other and stepped on toes. Actually, this was the line for catching a taxi, and we were about to join in the fun. Now, I've seen line weasels at work, but this must have been a cutting-in-line convention. Christ, was nothing sacred? I made up a little song for the occasion:
"When I went to China, what did I find? Nobody knows how to wait in line."
My wife told me to be aggressive, so I started blocking the weasels from cutting in front of me, using my giant backpack like a heavy bag, swinging it at the culprits, left and right. I let one family go ahead of me though. They had a toddler with them who looked like he was pretty cold. So I guess some weaselry is justified. I'm not heartless, no. But just because you are slippery, and know how to work the angles, that doesn't merit you a taxi before everybody else. We eventually got our taxi, after my wife got into a bit of a scuffle with a Chinese couple who tried to pin her against the fence to get by. Their reason: "We're older than you, so we shouldn't have to wait in line." Well, I'm pretty sure if I kept letting people pass me, I'll be a senior citizen pretty soon too. Taxi!
When we arrived at the hotel to check into the room we so wisely booked ahead of time, there was a bit of an issue. You can't get in unless you show your passport. I guess it's a new rule becuase of the olympics. Any foreigner, as well as anyone travelling with said foreigner must show a passport before they can check in. Fair enough. I guess if I go ahead and steal all their towels and miniature soaps, they can have me deported. Fair trade.
My wife, still being a Chinese citizen and all, didn't feel the need to bring her passport with her on this little trip, seeing as how we haven't left China. All she had on her were here Canadian Permanent Resident Card, and her BC Driver's License. That, and a plastic bag, can get you a big ol' bag of nothin' at this hotel. She had to phone home and have the maid fax her passport to the hotel office. While we were waiting, the desk clerk suggested that we wait in the restaurant. I think it was just a big scam to get us to buy some breakfast, which we did.
Now, I know I promised that I wouldn't describe any bodily functions in this blog, but if I were to let that rule slip just this once, I would describe a big one about 3 1/2 minutes after ingesting the "International Buffet". I wonder if the food needed to show its passport, because as soon as it checked in, there must have been a problem with the accomodations, because it immediately checked out. I suppose my edible guests didn't feel at home, and left out the back way without leaving a tip. They were loud, rude and crude, and I had to clean up a big mess after them. Some guests overstay their welcome. These ones didn't stay around long enough for that problem to arise. We experienced a sort of "falling out" that still haunts me to this day.
Now that we're in our room, I think we'll have a little nap before heading out to explore Beijing. First on the docket is Tienman Square. I've brought my tape measure, compass and protractor along on this trip, so it better be perfectly square, or I'm going home.
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