Feb 17th - More Uncles? What the??

Today I went out for lunch with my wife and Father-In-Law to meet the other half of my Chinese family. To date, I have met my Mother-In-Laws brothers and sisters, but nobody on my wife's father's side. Some people might be nervous at a time like this, but not me, I just get boozed up.

We were supposed to be there by noon. I think we might have been a couple minutes late, but I always use the excuse that we're 16 hours ahead of Vancouver, so you can't really blame me. It's still 8PM in my mind. Who the hell wants to eat lunch at 8PM? The introductions went ok. I met my Father-In-Law's younger brother, his wife, and then his older brother, wife and daughter, who is around my age, maybe a year or so younger. She speaks English though, which is nice for me. Now I don't have to inspect the wallpaper for an hour, while the crowd reagails in stories of the good ol' days, or talk about the weather or stock tips. Actually I don't know what the hell they're talking about to tell you the truth. I usually only look up when I hear someone say "Canada", which actually sounds like Chanada in Chinese.

So we talked about this and that. My "cousin" studies in another city, but I can't remember the name. It sounded like Shaolin, you know from Kung Fu, the Legend Continues, but that can't be it. She says it is known as "The Most Romantic City in China", shich means couples are probably allowed to hold hands while walking down the street, or at least talk about holding hands. In Harbin, your wife is more your associate, and you invite her into your "office" to discuss the "business" of making a child. If she accepts your offer, a contract is drawn up, and you are now "colleagues". Ant offspring become your employees, and offer various incentives, such as increased foot traffic and brand extension. This is pretty much what I observed here, I don't know if it's fact. I try to stay away from writing about the facts, anyway. It seems all boring and factual to me.

Now to my uncles. These are real uncles, by the way. None of this calling every man who's at least a year older than you uncle. My father in law's brothers are gathered around this table. The man to my right is a doctor, and the man to my left is an insurance broker. It's strange though, the doctor seems to smoke more than anyone I've ever seen. I suppose it was once commonplace for a doctor to smoke back in Canada, but that trend, along with most of those doctors, died in the 70's. You'd swear this guy prescribes ciggy's to his patients. Hell, he's still alive, right? You have to be good and healthy to smoke this much. He offers me a smoke, but for the sake of my health, I'll stick to my nice, delicious 2nd hand smoke thank you very much.

Uncle #2 smokes a fair bit too. It seems like between every course at dinner, he lights up a smoke just to cleanse his palate. "Mmmmmm that seafood would go well with a sprinkle of Malboro". I've heard of an after-dinner smoke, but during dinner? C'mon. His teeth paint the picture for me, but it's a disturbing portrait in a shade of brown I don't care to indulge in. A mouthful of modern art, to say the least. He seems like a happy-go-lucky type though, so he's always flashing me his pearly browns. He asks my wife if I'm into music. She says yes, that I'm into punk, and I play the bass. He said he wants to hear me play sometime. I think he's just being nice though. Still, he orders some beer for me. What a nice fellow.

The local beer comes in these 600ml bottles, and it's 4% alcohol. All boasting aside, I can drink this stuff like water. He brags that he can drink 6 bottles all by himself. He asks how many I can drink. Looking at the 4 epties on my side of the table, I hold up both hands "10" I guessed. Well, this impressed the hell out of uncle. He stood up and patted my back, and went to order more beer. It's only about 1PM now, so I don't necessarily want to get shitfaced here in this restaurant, and have my wife peel me off the floor later. I said "Boo La Shie Shie" with means politely, "No Thanks". Next time. Older uncle invited us over to his house to have dinner sometime, where I think he wants to stage some sort of drinking contest. Hey, I'm game. Just don't expect me to enter a smoking contest with these guys. I like my teeth just the way they are - solid.

The meeting went down fairly well. I think they all approve of me. Hell, I could give a damn if anyone likes me or not, but they seemed to be impressed. If you can hold your liquor, people here in China consider youa masculine dude. I know some wino's back home who could run for president over here! As much as I make fun of my uncles, I still enjoyed their company. Hopefully I'll be able to continue this little story with a drinking contest later. Until then, I bid you achoo.