March 1st 2008 - You Might Say It's In My Jeans

Today we went clothes shopping, and as a role-reversal, I was the buyer and my wife the hanger-on. Her cousin, the clotheshorse of the family, knows all the hot spots and possesses a true gift when it comes to knocking down the price of things. I've come to discover that unless you are in a department store, everything is negotiable in these parts. I was after a couple pair of pants and my wife suggested I buy a new jacket as well. Since I've dropped a couple of sizes over the years, my beloved waist-length army jacket looks like a camoflaged weather balloon on me.

We were on our way to pick up Cousin Clotheshorse, when my wife told me her neice would be coming along too. Cool! More family! In China, people my age belong to the "Only Child Generation" - there is a single birth-rule for every family. I mean, it's not like they kill your 2nd born, but you have to pay a fine for every additional child. I guess it's to ease the burden on a developing country. This rule came into effect after our parents would have been born. I guess the baby boom was happening all over the world, not just at home. With no immediate siblings, this means that cousins, neices and nephews are closer than ever. I think that's pretty cool, especially since my 2 best friends growing up happen to be cousins, but we were often mistaken for 3 brothers.

The last time my wife saw her neice, she was a short, pudgy little girl whose fat rolls everyone used to pinch. Not anymore! i was taken aback when I saw this beautiful girl towering over my wife, hugging her like a power forward hugs a point guard in the WNBA. I couldn't believe my eyes. The resemblance was uncanny! Aside of course from the extra 6 inches or so in height. I was immediately ordered to stand back-to-back with this girl, who was only an inch or two shorter than me. Everyone back home is always saying how short Asian girls are. Actually this one friend of mine said there are 2 things he would miss if he moved to China: His Mom's cooking, and tall girls. Well, our little neice is just an average Northern Chinese girl, who are on average taller than the rest of the country's girls. After our introduction & measuring, my wife translated for me that my niece doesn't speak English very well, but was glad to meet me.

The 4 of us all headed out into the brisk Harbin morning (Cousin Clotheshorse, Big Neice, my wife and I). I was told we were headed for the Underground Market - literally. We walked down what looked like a subway entrance, through some tarps hanging in the doorway (to keep the heat in) and into a food court. It reminded me of a meat locker, but the smells inside told me that the meat was rancid. I held my nose as we passed the "mystery-meat-on-a-stick" and "What's That? in a bowl" stands, and entered a giant hall of various clothing and dirt merchants. You can tell right away that you should disregard all brand names here. Everything is of the highest knock-off quality.

Cousin Clotheshorse, or C.C. as I'll call her, once owned a clothing store in another city, so she knows how to spot shotty material, weak stitching, and can tell you what the real value of any article is, never mind what the tag says. If the retailer tries to tell us the base cost for something, C.C. calls them on their lie. She told us that jeans never cost more than 80-100 yuan a pair when you buy them wholesale. In one store, they were marked up to 280 a pair, and the salesmen wouldn't budge much, so we moved on. I spotted a pair of dark blue jeans I liked, and so I asked if I could try them on.

Well, at the Underground Market, fitting rooms are a luxury not every merchant can afford, let me tell you. If you are lucky, they'll let you step back into the gap behind their back wall so you can strip down among the tepid water and rat feces. At the very least, they would provide you with a tattered sheet to drape over yourself while pantsless. However, the accomodations were less than inviting at one store. "Uhh, you can stand behind that rack, I guess," said the salesman. What a cheeky bastard. But no, I would soon find out that I was the one who was about to be cheeky. The rack only covered me from the other people in the store. Anyone walking down the hallway could see my undies from this vantage point. The shopkeep probably thought it would attract business. Well, I was certainly attracting attention. I think ol' cousin and niecy stuck a peek, but then again, who could blame them? Here I was on display for all of the underground society to see.

After trying on a few more pairs of jeans in this manner, I settled on 2 pairs that I liked and we were moving on to jackets. As I said before, I had in-grown (is that the opposite of out-grown?) my beloved army jacket and I was thinking of something in the leather department. Nothing too bikery, more classy like in The Matrix or something. I tried on a few, but nothing really stirred my martini, so to speak. Then, in the second to last shop in the place, I spotted a dark brown zippered number with my name on it. Now, I was briefed back in a previous store (pun intended, very intended) on the art of haggling, and the trick is to never look too impressed by anything you want to buy. In other words, act like you don't really want this piece of clothing, but you might be persuaded to buy it. "I guess it's pretty okay," I said, handing it back to the merchant. "280 Yuan," she said. "C'mon, let's go," said C.C., and the games had begun. The further we walked, the lower the price fell, until we were so far away, we could just barely make out a faint "200" echoing down the cavernous hallway. We turned back, purchased the jacket, and all had a good laugh. That is, except for Madame Shopkeep. She looked quite angry.

Now, a shirt was needed to accompany my new jacket and pants. I looked ina couple of shops, but everything looked so metrosexual to me. I dunno, men's shirst seem very flamboyant and flashy over here, all frilly and V-necked. i saw one little number I liked, and asked if I could try it on. "Go ahead," said the merchant. I could tell that a fitting room was out of the question. So, here I was half-naked again standing in this little clothing shop amid the stares and whispers of generall gawkers, and I'm proud to say, a female admirer or two. I guess tattoos aren't very common over here, because cousin and niece asked if they could have another look/touch. I don't have the world's most meaningful or thought-provoking tattoos or anything, but I could tell this was a new discovery for them. Needless to say, I didn't buy any of those blouses, so we left with what we had.

I emerged from the depths of the underground market with 2 pairs of comfy jeans and a brand new genuine leatherish jacket. Not a bad day, overall. The most interesting part of my day though, was the introduction of a new character into my little story. My new niece was really something, I thought. When we went back home, I got a chance to talk to her a bit and do some background research. It turns out that her English isn't half bad afterall! She was just a bit shy at first. After seeing me strip down to my skivvies, I think the shyness shoe was on the other foot now, and she started to loosen up around me.

I found out that she is 20 years old, a film student here in Harbin, and she is a flautist. She showed me some pictures of her playing flute on her cellphone. I also learned that her father sadly passed away 5 years ago. This girl actually broke down and cried when she was talking about him. That takes guts, people. To open up emotionally like that in front of someone you've only just met a few hours ago, that takes guts. My wife and cousin consoled her with hugs, kisses and tissues, and she was back to her smiling self again a little later.

I'm glad I got to meet my niece. I see a lot of stories in her. I don't know, it's wierd to see people as characters and subject matter and all that, but I just get the feeling that this person is interesting and has a story to tell. My wife and I planned to get together with her again tomorrow, and she promised to bring her flute and play us a song.