Pains, Trains & Automobiles

I already wrote about the flight to China - that never-ending marathon by 350 passenger airbus. Not looking forward to doing that again. Did I mention the rebels who decided to sneak a ciggy in the bathroom? We,, take my advice... If you are ever on a 13-hour flight to China, request a seat far away from the bathroom. I was once a smoker, and when you're hooked, that's a long time to go inhaling nothing but recycled air. Plus, in China everybody smokes. I was shocked at the price of ciggarettes. It was $11.00 US for a carton (10 packs) - basically a buck a pack. Heck, at those prices, I can't afford NOT to smoke!

When we drove to our temporary home up here on the 13th floor, it was around midnight, so the traffic was pretty minimal. BUT at 9am when everyone is going to work, it's a different story. Looking out the window, I can see the jangled mess that is the morning commute. On an average street, there are 2 or 3 lanes going each way. Magically, 8 to 10 cars manage to fit in these 4 lanes! If a car approaches a traffic jam, rather than sit & wait for the long line of cars to move, our friendly neighborhood driver will simply pull into oncoming traffic, create his own lane and try to gun it past the gridlock. If you are a pedestrian, look out!

Crossing the street in Harbin is kind of like playing Russian Roulette. Sure, the light is red and the little man is flashing on the cross walk, but that's no reason to get cocky. You could still get smoked pretty easily. Red lights are only "suggestions" in these parts, and cars are apparently more important than pedestrians. I guess the raw materials in a car are worth more than human life. I went out for a walk yesterday, and believe me, I took my time.

The locals are more brave than I. They remind me of the locals down on Main & Hastings in Vancouver, only without the crackhead swagger. They'll walk out, stand on the yellow center line, waiting for the exact right moment to jaunt out. It's a bit like that old arcade game "frogger". Old lady moves one space forward, motorcycle whizzes by.... car slams on brakes and pulls a U-turn around old lady... all the while Player 1 looks cool, calm & collected. She's definitely the frog in charge - The Toad of the Road if you will. Oh and I think you will.

Driving in a car is another story. Of course I didn't get behind the wheel. You think I have a death wish?? I was in the front passenger seat as our driver, or actually my mother in law's company chauffeur drove us to the market. I like to call him Chang Andretti. Oh the market... that's another story. I'll focus on the getting there for now. It's pretty scary to look at the 8 car-abreast gridlock from 18 floors up, in our swanky apartment, but when you're in the middle of it, you are sort of like a salmon swimming upstream through a slouce or something. Or maybe when the 3 stooges all get stuck trying to go through a door t the same time and their heads make that coconut sound. Cloink!

My wife said "Are you nervous?" "Heck, no!" I said, as a van almost slammed into us. Then I noticed a police car. It wasn't like to Crown Victoria boats back home. It was a little Jetta. I have noticed that Volkswagen is the most popular vehicle here in Harbin. I guess that's because they are mostly compact, fuel efficiant, and run forever (No I do not have a Volkswagen sponsorship... yet), plus they are built here in China. Just then, the cop put his siren on, but nobody moved to the side of the road like we do in Canada. A taxi actually cut him off! Now that's ignoring the law!

I noticed that nobody drives the mega-SUV like back home. I try to crunch some numbers in my head to figure out which would be worse on the environment. 1 billion or so compact cars in China or 100 million or so SUVs in the United States. Any mathematicians out there?

Luckily, we survived our Hell Ride and made it to the market. As I looked inside, I noticed the people navigate the aisles the same way they drive! Damn, I wish I could put on a seatbelt in this place! Anybody see a police officer who can help me? Oh, right, he's stuck in traffic.