Feb 9 - 2009 Crocodile Dung Dee

I have no idea what's planned for today. i just follow along, smile, and ask my wife to translate things for me once in a while. She said most of the discussions are pointless crap, but now and then they'll say "hot springs" or "Waterslides" and she tells me. Hmmm a hot tub waterslide. now that would be a good invention. The hot water would give you a relaxing, yet exciting ride, then plunge you into a pot of boiling water at the end like a hot dog in swimming trunks. Lifeguards could stand by to apply mustard and relish on you, and Dog's your uncle.

So we decided not to go to the hot springs today, instead going for a boat ride in a place called Boao. It was really cool - 3 rivers meet in this one pool and it created a giant sand bar. You can only get there by boat, and it looks like you are in hawaii or something. There are palm trees everywhere, and locals sit there selling fresh coconuts and mangos and pineapples. It's a bit like being in the tropics, only everyone is Chinese except me. My wife bought a pineapple, all nicely peeled and placed on a stick like a giant lollypop, for 1 Yuan (15 cents) and our driver bought me a huge coconut, which they chopped the top of with a machete and stuck a crazy straw in. it was very tasty. With a little rum, I would be in heave. Actually, I was in Boao, but I think they are probably neighbors. Not close neighbors, but the kind who live on 2 farms that are next to each other.

Besides the fruit vendors, people are walking around on the beach, selling sunglasses, hats, and trying to take your photo for money. You could put on the traditional Chinese clown pants and bowling shirt and get your picture taken in front of the ocean. As much as I liked playing dressup as a kid (RIP Ernie Coombs aka Mr Dressup), I opted out. There was something else that cought my eye. This guy was walking around with a Caman (smaller version of a crocodile)and for 10 Yuan, you could hold it and get your picture taken. Being foreign, I got special treatment. I got to hug it, put it on my shoulders, put it down on the ground at let it walk around while I pulled it's tail and all that toturous stuff. If I was that animal, I would have bit Whitey's head off, but they had his mouth taped shut. I felt kinda bad for little guy, but he'd probably die out here with all the boats and pollution and stuff. He was pretty heavy too, so they must feed him okay.

After I had my fill of crock, we went to an aquarium. In Vancouver, we have a pretty large one, but nothing like Sea World, or Marine Land, or so I hear. But still, it's good for a nice day of family fun. This one was a huge disappointment. They barely had any animals! The big draw was a giant whale skeleton, which I posed with. There were also giant tortoises swimming in a tank, which you could get a picture with if you pay. A couple of sharks were swimming around in a tank, but they didn't look too healthy, and were kinda scrawny. I think they were Anorexic.

Once you exit the exhibit area, you have to walk through the giant gift shop that is almost the same size as the aquarium itself. People yell at you from all sides to buy their products. I had to cover my ears in some spots, because I was caught in a yelling crossfire between 2 barnum & bailey's type salespeople. What I wouldn't give to be a turtle right now - they don't have ears do they? At least I could go inside my shell if I didn't want to buy an ash tray made out of one of my young.