Feb 3rd, 2008 - Conversing The Converted

This morning I had a chance to speak English with someone other than my wife. He told me to call him uncle. Apparently that's what you call an older man, whether you are related or not. We talked about the weather, travelling, food, and then he told me an ancient Chinese proverb about a naked man chasing a tiger. He's a business man, and I guess it's a symbol for being ruthless. This guy apparently lived in Switzerland for 2 years. I wonder if he speaks French? There have been more than a few ruthless Frenchmen throughout history.

Another instance of speaking English with the locals happened last night. I found out that I have a nephew (through marriage) named Jack, who is 8 years old. At first he was afraid of me. He hid under a bed. My wife told me that he wanted to speak to me, but he was afraid. They called him into the dining room and he brought his English textbook. I was really humbled that this kid would take out his school books on a Saturday night for me.

When I was 8, I used to carve "I H8 Hoamwerk" into desks, walls and textbooks just to piss people off, mainly my teachers. I started the conversation off with a simple "Hello". Then I asked "What is your name?" to which he replied "Jacka". i said "Nice to meet you Jack. My name is Nathan." He smiled. "How old are you, Jack?" He says "I am eight years old." "Very Good" I said. Now, let's see if I can use some of my million dollar charm to take the edge off.

"Do You have a girlfriend?" I ask. Apparently they don't teach that word to 8-year-olds. He looked around at everybody and he actually started to cry. I tried my best to keep the sentences simple. "Do you have a pet?" I asked.

"Yes, I have a dog," Jack says.

"I have a cat," I said. He looked around again. I think he assumed I was asking him another question. He panicked and tried to run away, but his mother tackled him.

Okay, I thought. I'm going to look at his textbook and figure out what he might know. The first chapter was all about identifying things. "What's this?" I pull on my ear. He knew it. Now we're getting somewhere. "What's this?" I pretend to pick my nose. He laughs and says "Nose".

I point to my eyes. My wife asks him, "Does he have big eyes?"

"Yes he does"

"Does he have a big nose?"

"Yes he does"

"Does he have big ears?"

"So-so"

That one cracked me up. Then I lifted up my foot and put it above the table. He laughed again. "This is a foot," he said. I put my other foot up too. "Feet" he said. "Very Good" I said. I wanted to give him a high-five, but he didn't know what I meant. My wife explained it in Chinese, and then he gave me a nice hard slap up top. It was awesome.

I guess I passed my teaching exam, because Jack ran away and came back with a bunch of suckers and put them on the table. I said "Is it candy?"

"Yes. For you." he said. That was nice of him. "Thank You" I said, and he ran away.

I gotta salute this kid for trying to talk to me. He seems like a pretty smart guy, but then again, doing homework on a Saturday Night was never clever to me. I guess he taught me a thing or two. Thanks Jack!