I awoke today to the sound of cannons blasting just outside my window. It was actually these huge firecrackers called M-80's that can also come in handy, should a Jihad break out. I couldn't believe how loud these things were! It was around 8:00, and it sounded like the Civil War outside, all muskets a-blazin' and everything.
It turns out that today is the 15th and final day of the Chinese Lunar New Year celebration. That's right, New Year's lasts for 15 days over here. Most people have had all that time off work, and there's lots of good food, parties, and of course, explosive devices. I looked out the window and saw a few clouds in the sky. Hmm, that's a first. It's been clear blue skies every single day since we arrived. It won't rain now until spring, or so I'm told. But no, these weren't your average Nimbus clouds (ha! pulled that one out of Grade 7 Science class!). I think what I was seeing were clouds of smoke from all the M-80's going off around town. And ohhh baby, this was just the beginning.
We went out after lunch to buy a few things at the grocery store, and the streets were packed. On Center Street, there are no cars, only foot traffic, but I've just now discovered The Great Wall of China. There was a group of 7 or 8 people walking shoulder to shoulder, taking up most of the road, and part of the sidewalk on one side. Apparently it's "hip" for young girls to walk arm in arm, or even holding hands. I felt like I was back in the schoolyard at Ol' St Pat's. "Red Rover, Red Rover, send Nathan right over!" I was just about to charge at them, but then I saw a break in the chain, and swiftly made my way through, as a brick in the wall answered her cell phone.
After we returned home from our excursion along the Great Wall, sat around until everyone was ready to go out for dinner. I picked up a book today called 'Masters of the Beat Generation' - it's kind of a textbook, but it was one of about 7 English titles in this store I visited. Plus, I'm a fan of Kerouac and Ginsberg and those cats, so I picked it up for $4 CDN. We also went to a DVD store, where they had movies that were still in theatres. Hmmm, that's peculiar. I almost bought one, since they are about $2 each, but the store clerk said she can't guarantee that they will work in a North American DVD player. That's a little fishy. So, i asked my wife if we could come back later with her laptop and test the DVDs before we bought them. She ran this by the clerk, as I flashed her my pearly white face, and it was a deal. We never did go back, but I imagine we will some day soon.
After i read the first chapter in my textbook, we went out to eat Hot Pot. If you don't know what Hot Pot is, picture a huge bowl of boiling water in the middle of the table. You order up a bunch of food that you throw in the water and cook yourself. i was thinking, back in my homwtown, a place like this would never fly. "You mean I gotta pay for the food AND cook it myself?!?! Screw that, I'm going to the pub, where everything's been fried in the same grease since I was a wee lad. You know, food you can trust." Well, when everything's boiled, it's not half bad, and it probably kills all the bacteria and bad stuff in the food. Pesticides, maggots, rat feces and other assorted seasonings. There are a few spices thrown in, and you're good to go.
The first thing we threw in was proscutto. That's right, boiled bacon. Sounds kind of weird, I know, but it makes it easy to remove the fat once you take it out of the water, and it's cooked perfectly. After that, we threw some little lobster tails in. I think they're called langasteens or something. Actually, scrumptious is a better name for them. Then went in the sweet potatoes, tofu, spinach, and get this - Spam. Apparently they don't know what goes into Spam over here, because people just love it. Again, I think back to the hometown crowd. "What the hell? Spam in a restaurant?! You gotta be kidding me, right?" But no, they were serious. Jack, my 8 year-old nephew was lovin it. He'll have the Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Bacon & Spam, please (That's a Monty Python reference in case you're thinking I've gone bananas. Or spamanas).
By the end of the dinner, you are left with a big pot of soup in the middle of the table, then noodles are thrown in, and it's quite tasty. Spam, lobster, bacon, spinach, tofu & potato soup. Let's see Campbell's fit all that on one of those little red & white cans.
After dinner, it was time for us to make some noise. We had a hidden stash of firecrackers & roman candles ready to fire at will. I lugged the 3 huge boxes downstairs and we proceeded to light them up and plug our ears. The firecrackers were the most fun; 20 or 30 foot ropes of them, with a big bundle at the end that exploded like a molotov cocktail. I set off 3 of those, and then got to play with some Roman Candles. Sweeeet! My wife was telling me about these little "Flying saucers" she played with as a kid. It's like a firecracker that spins around & around a million miles a second and actually lifts itself up off the ground before exploding. Well, with a description like that, I just had to have some.
We set off wandering through the cold night, in search of these little bangers. Picture a newspaper stand on the corner in some old movie you saw when you were a kid. Now replace the newspapers, TV Guides and Hustlers with roman candles, M-80's and roman candles. Now we're in business. We bought 2 packs of 'butterflies' after watching a pretty cool demonstration, and then we walked on to another stand, where we bought 24 "whirly birds" - a version of my wife's childhood explosives. With our weapons ready, we prepared to light up the night sky. It took a couple of tries to get the butterflies going - you have to lay them a certain way to make them fly up in the air. Those babies were fun, but the whirlybirds... Man they were just dangerous.
To start off, the fuse would ignite before you even touched it with your match - I guess they use spontaneous cumbustion technology. The, you had about 13 milliseconds to get out of the way, before this little flaming ball came whizzing by your head. Whirlybirds tend not to fly straight up like their winged cousins, but instead choose a path all their own. Out into traffic, bouncing off buildings, or right at my face. I didn't want to light them any more, but my wife egged me on. Of course, from a safe distance. Since we were on the sidewalk, pedestrians were passing by, always in danger of getting torched. One couple nearly got buzzed, but I didn't see it happen. Apparently they guy was getting ready to come over & fight me, but the wife was pulling him back. He started yelling, and then once he got a little closer and I looked him in the eyes, he suddenly stopped. He probably thought the white devil can shoot fire out of his mouth, so I better get away. I lit the last of the whirlybirds in an alley so as to avoid any future confrontations, cause let's face it. I'd be rather angry if some dude almost burned my face with a firecracker, wouldn't you?
We walked around a bit more, looking at all the fireworks going off in every direction. By this time, the smoke was getting really bad, and I could see little bits of crap floating in the air. I'd rather not breathe any of that crap in, so we went home. When we got in the elevator, I took one whiff, and I realized we were stinking it up. You know how fireworks smell, right? Now multiply that by 3 and place said bodies in a crammed elevator. I remember being a kid and coming home smelling like grassfires. You were busted immediately. This was kind of the same, but hey, we had an excuse. It's the 15th today!
When I got in and hung my jacket up to air off, I was asked if I wanted to eat. I wasn't really hungry, but not wanting to break tradition, I sat down at the table. It's a Chinese custom that you have to eat these little round dumplings on the 15th day, so I chowed down. They were filled with sesame seeds and nuts of some sort, and damn if they weren't the tastiest things I've eaten all day. A perfect way to end the Chinese Lunar New Year Celebration. I'm stinky, my belly's full, and if I look out the window, I can just make out the noxious smoke clouds dancing in the midnight air. Yikes, there goes some more M-80's looks like I won't be getting to sleep any time soon. That's okay though. I can sleep in tomorrow. It's New Year's Day again!
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