feb 19th - Ma & Pa Jong

Today I was schooled in the ancient art of Majong. In case you're not Chinese, it's a game like dominoes, and in case you're not from the south either, it's complicated. It's a game where fast-thinking is needed, and fast hands are a plus. There's no cards or gameboard or sharades or anything liek that. Just you, your 3 opponents, and about 100 little tiles. On the back of each tile is either a Chinese character that stands for a number, or between 1 and 9 symbols, which are called pancakes or beans. At least that's what I call them. I can't remember what they are actually called.

Being white, and illiterate when it comes to Chinese numerical characters (is it still considered illiterate if you can't read numbers, or would that be il-numerate?) I was at a disadvantage. My wife and cousin were trying to teach me to play, and were kind enough to let me win one game early on, so I wouldn't get discouraged. They've obviously tought this game to small children before, and I'm happy they consider my intelect matching that of a 7 or 8 year old. "Here, have a cookie. Give me your apple, let me peel it for you and cut it into nice slices" Uhh okay.

Basically the game goes like this - you always have 13 pieces in your "hand". Or is it 14? That's not important. It's more like crucial. When it's your tuen, you are allowed to pick a new piece from the "deck" but then you must throw out one of your old pieces, if you want to keep the one you just drew. Other players can pick up the ones you dispose of, which otherwise end up in a big mish-mash inthe middle of the table. Within the 14 pieces in your hand, you have to get as many pairs, 3 of a kinds or runs of 3 in order to make up a full house. I'm lousy at poker too. I always throw in the big bet with a chincy pair, just to look like I have something of value. Once you get a full house, you flip your cards over, and then you have to draw one more card ( I'll call them cards just for simplicity's sake) and make it fit into your hand (either as a 3rd to go along with one of your pairs, or to complete a run, etc).

There was some wierd stuff going on from the other players that I can't really explain. The first person to flip their cards over gets to draw a "treasure" card, and if they get that one in their hand, it now becomes a wild card, but only he or she can see it at first. Then there is something about eating your opponent's card. I'd rather just have some more apple, thank you very much. In the end, I could tell they were trying to let me win because I was getting the wild cards handed to me, and I kind of lost interest. Maybe there's a Coles Notes for Majong out there somewhere that I can pick up for pointers.

Before the game started, my nephew and I were having a contest to see who could stack the dominoes the highest, and then we made a big robot and a dinosaur outof the pieces. This was actually more fun than playing the game with the grown-ups. Maybe I do have the intellect of a 7 or 8 year old afterall. But hey, when Ma & Pa Jong come to town, I'm all business. Just don't blame me when my Straight reads 1,2,4,7. Read 'em & weep boys, cause I can't.